You’re Faithful

Oh, the beauty
To think of who You are is overwhelming
The promises You make, they will uphold me
How You hold me
Your compassions never end

Your mercies are new, over and over
Your mercies are new, over and over
As surely as the morning comes, You’re faithful
I’ll sing of Your love, over and over
I’ll sing of Your love, over and over
I’ll sing with every setting sun, You’re faithful

We are expecting… again. Another baby. A person. A tiny human being. Pregnant.

I wanted to write about Gods crazy journey He put us on, but we’ve all heard it a hundred times… how somehow my body has now housed 9 little people and I have been gifted the ability to birth and raise 3 of them!! How I have hopes and dreams of this baby being born and raised by us. I wanted to spill out the thousands of thoughts about fears and trusting and wondering if this was going to last. But really, each time I’ve mentioned this pregnancy I feel like I have talked about it as if I’m sorry or guilty. Which I’m not. Like I almost feel embarrassed. Embarrassed about 4 kids? Embarrassed about being pregnant again so quickly? As this draft has sat in my line up for several weeks I have had less and less feelings of embarrassment, less care about others’ judgements or opinions and more joy that I have been given the sweetest gifts. We have been given the greatest blessings. And I’ll agree with anyone, it’s not easy raising any number of children. It’s stretches you to the max and then some. But Gods great love and mercy and Grace. It kinda covers it all. Thankfully.

Yes. We are excited. Yes. We were surprised. No. This wasn’t planned. We thought we were done. I started doubting being done and said “maybe we could consider one more in a while”. We talked about it. We said we’d keep talking about it. But no big decisions were made. I had a procedure planned and needed to test for it. Well, that test I rolled my eyes at – was positive. Cameron isn’t even 1 year old yet. I’m still nursing. I haven’t had a period…. how did this happen… I mean, I know how it happened but…. how??

So long story short, here we are again. And bless my sweet brain for forgetting the hardness of pregnancy on the body. The fatigue and nausea alone are a beast… but it’s like my body remembered really quickly that it’s supposed to ache and be sore. Ha! And I hardly have any baby in there yet.

I am 12 weeks on Monday. Nauseated. Dizzy. Tired as all get out. Feeling bloated and thrilled this baby is hanging on! I have a fairly large subchorionic hematoma that is being monitored frequently, yet so far it seems to be consistent and not changing. Which is good. We don’t want it to get bigger. The heart rate has been 165-170 (sounds familiar- cough cough- another boy I’m sure of it). The cramps have been heavier than the previous ones but have gotten less as time goes one. My clothes are starting to feel a little tighter and I’m ready for holiday food and treats!

The boys are, so far, excited and asking more questions than they ever have. Touching my belly and poking me more than previous babes, and giddy each time they think I look bigger. Crosby is pretty certain it’s a girl, Kobe follows his lead, Cameron is oblivious and just as clingy as ever.

Ta-Da! Almost to the second trimester and I see a light at the end of the tunnel some days! I’m really looking forward to more energy and less nausea! I’m looking forward to feeling kicks and wiggles and hiccups. I can’t wait to know if it’s a boy or girl. And of course my favorite- labor! But, I got a ways to go for that! This last year I lost about 25lbs and felt like I was finally feeling back to healthy and fit, so I’m not particularly excited about the weight gain and I hope to keep it in-check. But, I also believe that your body just does what it needs, especially if you eat well the majority of the time. But I’ll do it all over again for a healthy, full term babe in my arms.

Here we go again!! 💜💙 Brooks Baby #4 Coming in May/June!