#BoyMom

One night as I was lying in bed, nursing Cameron – AGAIN – I turned to my husband and said, “I wish I was this patient when we first had Crosby”. After 4.5 years of this mom gig I found myself reflecting on my regrets. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve mumbled and questioned what am I doing wrong?! During my reflections a more noticeable short-coming is my tolerance – or lack thereof – for small (and big) annoyances. If I had started my patience journey where I am today, I think there would be a lot less regret and heck of a lot more joy. Don’t get me wrong, I have not come close to perfecting my patience- but my perspective has changed in such a way that had I been where I am today, some things may have been avoided.

And sadly, I’ve blamed my kids for a lot of it. “If they weren’t so fussy”, “if they would just listen better”…. when really my expectation was that they get it right the first time and maintain getting it right.

If I could insert the biggest eye roll right here I would.

Over time I’ve lowered my expectations to a reasonable level and even more recently I’ve been digging into avenues that will help teach me how to guide my kids’ growth in a more patient and loving way. Especially being a Boy Mom, I want my boys to learn to trust and be trusted. I want them to love and be loved. I want them to know respect and learn to honor boundaries.

I started a book today and it read:

“As difficult as I found those years, they gifted me with a humble awareness that I wasn’t the naturally awesome mom I had always told myself I would be and the realization that it would take much more than some idealistic notions to fulfill my dream of raising amazing kids”. {Boy Mom, Monica Swanson}

This resonated with me SO loudly. I had all these hopes and dreams and desires to be this cool, calm, creative, and amazing mom. And…. I have completely fallen short of my own expectations. So much so that I had become completely weary and discouraged. I desired the title of Mommy so badly for so long that this realization was actually quite devastating. In fact I started questioning if I had tampered with Gods plans and forced babes into my world, when perhaps He had other plans. But, I’ve come to terms that He, in His gracious wisdom, did indeed gift me these children to raise. And commissioned me to raise them well. So far, I have had some major mom-wins, but overall my need, and desire, for growth is at its peak.

These boys are important humans, with mighty plans for their lives. My lack of intentionality and putting stock into being “naturally awesome” has not benefit me or them. Now, all because of Gods graciousness, I have the opportunity to start over with what I currently have and draw wisdom from the mothers that have gone before me. To draw patience and perspective from the Lord. It’s not too late to be a mighty prayer warrior over my boys, to instruct them and teach them love and respect.

Don’t get me wrong, we have fantastic kids. They are kind and loving and generally well behaved, but there is A LOT of room for growth in my parenting and intentionality with these kiddos. The weight of knowing and experiencing that the days are really long and years are super short is pressing me into doing better- for them.

Raising all boys, so far, has proven that the volume level may not go down anytime soon and our grocery bill will only keep going up. It’s been 4 years of dirt, bugs, toots, race cars, monster trucks and wrestling matches. It’s been black eyes, skinned knees, mini heart attacks, and A LOT snuggles. It’s going to go so fast and change so quickly that I don’t want to miss a thing. I can’t miss any opportunity to instill trust… because once Mickey Mouse Clubhouse turns to Post Football Game Parties, I want them to be honorable, trustworthy, God Fearing leaders who love people and love God with everything they’ve got.

I’m so thankful this has been laid on my heart now and not later. They’re still so little and I know this work will not go to waste.