The overwhelmed, but almost at peace Me – Oh and little Squishy :)

Once again another week has flown by. I don’t even know where time is going. Where the heck is that magical button to slow things down, just a little.

It was a sad sad day at the Brooks’, the Carolina Panthers lost to our home state team, the Seattle Seahawks. The hubs and I thoroughly enjoyed an oversized plate of nachos and pj’s while watching the game and called it an early night. I was so proud of my Hubs. Sometimes games (especially the big ones) can put a damper on our husband’s moods. But he took it like a champ and was proud of his favorite team and called it a great year.

Today probably isn’t the best day to be blogging and giving updates on the happening in our home. I’m in a mood. I don’t know what kind of mood to call it though. I realized today as I was driving to work that I am completely overwhelmed and I think being a bump on a log with absolutely no energy isn’t doing me any favors. I find myself comparing my unchecked to-do list to someone else’s almost completely checked off list and beating myself up that I’m not a better wife, a better home-keeper, a better cleaner, a better laundry do-er. The list could seriously go on and on. I’m glad I am super aware of this but, it’s not helping my already overwhelmed-ness.

I’m finding that I am worrying constantly about the “unknowns”, and “the how’s this gonna work…”, and “the gotta get x,y and,z done, but when?”… It feels kind of like chaos but all up inside my head (ok and well the bedroom and laundry room). But I realized today (even though I’ve been feeling it heavy on my heart for weeks, or maybe even a few months) why I don’t feel grounded. Why my feet don’t feel like they are on the solid rock and which I should be standing.

The Word.

The living, breathing, need it forever and always, the hoping giving, peace giving, Word. Also known as your bible.

I am so ashamed that I cannot remember the last time I pulled that bugger out for just some me time. I’ve read it for our small group and I’ve done my fair share of flipping through it on Sunday during the sermon, or googled a verse that was popping in my head. But I have not picked up my bible just to spend some time with Jesus. Ouch. I have a million and one excuses why I haven’t. I could claim that the overwhelming desire to sleep has distracted me, or the fact that for several weeks there a lot of my free time at night was sitting in the bathroom. Blah, blah blah. Excuses.

So, all that being said, I’ve hit my max and this “mood” that I happen to be feeling is a direct result and wake up cry for my souls biggest thirst. Again, if my post seems Debby-downer from start to finish, it’s my mood speaking and not necessarily my normal life is good mood. If you know me personally, I would definitely ask that you just gently encourage me to get my booty in the word and remind me that this season shall too pass. Perhaps that I won’t be overwhelmed forever, it’s just a season. Mmmk, thanks 🙂 Good chat!

On another note, it’s cold. I don’t like being cold. I’m cold all the time. Unless I’m not, then I’m way too hot. I blame it on the little one who’s stealing everything else from me. 🙂

**Pregnancy and Ultrasounds mentioned**

I am now a whopping 10 weeks and 5 days, and babe was showing off this week and being a complete over achiever and measured at 11 week even! I have an anterior placenta, which I am a little bummed about, but baggers can’t be choosers. An anterior placenta basically means that the placenta sits on the portion of my uterus that sits closest to my abdomen wall. If it doesn’t move there is a higher likelihood that I won’t feel the baby move until closer to 20-22 weeks. For my sanity, I am really hoping it moves so that I don’t have to wait any longer than I have to. But, at this point, babe seems to be sticking, growing, thumping right along.

I started up Yoga at work, and I should even brag about it cause really it’s once a week. Something is better than nothing. I’ve replaced my breakfast with a loaded smoothie (kale, spinach, banana, rice protein powder, peanut butter, frozen mixed berried, and almond milk). It’s amazing. I’m fuller longer, I’m getting (hopefully) more iron in, and I just overall feel better.

I know in my last post I asked about genetic testing and I got lots of great feedback. Connor and I have decided to decline. The test may or may not have been covered by insurance and she assured me that without it, it’s incredibly expensive. We will not, however, decline the anatomy scan in the second trimester. This will give us another peek at babe and also make sure his/her growth and vital organs are developing properly. It’s the right decision for us, but I fully understand that for some, it might not be the right choice. We really appreciate all the feedback and it brought up a lot of great conversations.

So, off to the RE I went yesterday for my “peace of mind” appointment. It was seriously everything and more that I could have wanted. First here’s little Squishy:

Once again, little one was as active as ever. Kicking, punching, rolling, stretching, and even scrunching up really tiny. I was totally blown away again. Little one’s heart rate bumped up to 176, but apparently my heart rate was way up as well so he suggested it was likely due to me being all wired. In my defense I thought I left my office on time and ended up showing up right ON time (not early like I always try to be). So I bolted – yup,  almost like a half run –  up the stairs and got called back immediately so I didn’t have time to sit and catch my breath from rushing everywhere. Plus I am out of breath ALL.THE.TIME now. I was a little winded on occasion before this week, but now, I can’t breathe. ever. I lead worship at church quite often and I find I have to back away from the mic at times and just breathe. Haha, it’s comical, I’m always making eyes at the hubs signaling that I just simply cant breath, I take this opportunity to encourage clapping, haha. Anyway, the heart rate is fine, and will likely go back down as my heart rate goes back down.

Here you go ladies: