Lately I am finding I have some type of road block in my mind. I can’t think of anything worth sharing. Perhaps I’m even contemplating, “does anyone read this stuff? If they do, do they even care?” But, then again, I have to remember I’m not doing this for other people’s approval. I did this for me. I did this for the woman who stumbles upon this searching for hope and a sense of being understood while she’s walking through pain and grief. I did this for the husband and wife who are struggling to fight their way back to normal after miscarriage, ectopic, and missed miscarriages. I’m doing this because this is what the Lord asked me to do. So, I need to be more open about letting HIM do the writing and me obeying.
There isn’t anything huge or noteworthy going on. I feel like the holidays have stolen all my attention and energy. But, life is as usual. We just keep walking along, trusting and believing. I noticed just the other day that it has been two weeks of only my Fabu Friday blogs. While those are all great and full of fun, I haven’t really had much else to say about the everyday stuff. Umm, by the way, how the heck is it December already?
My job is still moving along quite nicely (keeping me nice and busy busy), my husband is still working his bones off and also freezing his tush off on occasion (you’re the best, babe). The new car is amazing and everything I ever dreamed of. I am so incredibly thankful for that provision and so aware of the gift it is each time I start it up. I am a little annoyed that we had it for about 4 days and we have our first head light out, already…. That’s a bit irritating. But, that’s just a small details and one that doesn’t really warrant much attention.
I think the most exciting part is how much closer I am to having my sister and her family here. I am eagerly awaiting the day they pull in for GOOD. Each day they are closer and closer to being in their forever home, closer to me!
The Lord is working on a lot of things in me and for the first time in months, well basically since we lost Colton, I feel like we are “tight” again. Like we’re homies. It’s been a struggle to get back into a place of full trust and surrender, but I am finally reaching that again. There have been multiple times over the last month He has brought me to my knees (literally) in awe and trust and surrender to Him and His love for me. I’ve been waiting for this day to get here. I had always thought that losing Colton ruined my relationship with Him forever, He proved me wrong. For that I am incredibly thankful and so happy I didn’t stay where I was.
I had mentioned a few posts back about the opportunity to start a support group. It’s amazing to me how much of a need there is in Spokane. After meeting with another woman through the MISS Foundation, I learned that not only do woman here in Spokane need this, but Doctors and counselors and so many others are looking for such group to be facilitated. I still believe that this is something I should be doing. I still don’t know what that would look like quite yet. I feel like it’s come to a bit of a stand still. There is a lack of direction and I honestly don’t even know where to begin. So perhaps it’s time to send an email out to my connections and see where this takes us. It’s also been made aware to me that I would need at least two more woman to come along side me and be “leading” with me. I haven’t found, or rather looked, for that support. So, if you are in Spokane and you think this is something you want to be involved with, please feel free to contact me: firstname.lastname@example.org
I think maybe with all decisions and seasons of life we come to a giant T in the road and have to sit and pray it out and ask for direction before picking which way you go. I don’t mind these moments. In fact, I really love this season because I feel like I am where I am supposed to be. I finally feel like I am truly rooted and tethered back to my Father in an intimate way that was severely lacking for quite a while.
I am enjoying where I am at and I guess maybe that makes for lack of words. For now, I am super content. Yeah, I still have my fears and anxieties and frustrations that I have to face on a daily basis, but they are not nearly as scary as they were. I like that I can now see a little better through the fog. 🙂