I have recently started doing some research on available resources for woman who have experienced loss through miscarriage. I see on so many other blogs about how these woman have a huge assortment of options and support groups – like an abundance of them (typically the hospitals, REs, and ob/gyns have these resources, I was offered NONE through all 3 of my losses). So, I was a bit intrigued.
What does Spokane have to offer those of us who have lost?
Well, from what I have found we have ONE, one group for infant/child loss. While that is amazing that we have one group for that demographic, I was and still am astounded that we are severely lacking in our resources (while both are devastating, it’s nearly impossibly to compare miscarriage to infant/child loss, and that’s ok, both are unique and unimaginably hard and likely invoke a wide variety of different emotions and feelings). With statistics the way they are (at least 20% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage) I can’t imagine that Spokane doesn’t have a need…. Right? I mean since I’ve started this journey I have met well over 10 people who have either recently lost or have lost in the past. I imagine there are hundreds more. Granted not everyone needs a support group. Everyone responds differently and everyone has their own way of dealing with the loss and/or grief.
But what about those who DO need it? I was recently commenting on another blog about our lack of services here and she gently encouraged me (well maybe it was just something to say) to start one myself. I waved the notion off and went on my way. But then I dug around some more, and dug around some more. I even sent off a few emails enquiring about services.
After a few exchanged emails I was then presented with the opportunity to do just that. Start a group. Of course I have fears and hesitations. I am certainly not qualified…. Or maybe I am? A matter of fact, I think I just might be the right person for the job…
But, Morgan…. Aren’t you still recovering from a pretty traumatic loss yourself?
Well, yes… But, I am actually in a good spot. Each day I have healed that much more from having part of my heart torn from my chest. It doesn’t sting as much. I don’t cry as often. I’ve worked really hard on healing and pressing into the Lord and trusting His plan. I’ve worked really hard to get where I am (even though to some it might not be very far). But, the benefit of me still being in a place of healing is that I would really know and understand, to an extent, what these woman are going through.
Could this be the opportunity that is changing my ministry? It’s pretty obvious I have a passion for this subject and it’s not simply JUST because I have experienced loss. Aren’t we called to love on the broken, lift each other up, and support one another? Perhaps this is a fantastic opportunity to minister to the broken-hearted and facilitate a group of woman who so desperately need to be heard and supported, especially when these situations often leave us feeling alone and isolated, like no one understands…
I don’t know about you but the more I think about it the more I am inclined to step through this door. There are four things that are keeping me from doing this immediately:
- I have never led a group before… ok, that’s a lie. I am leader at my church and I have participated in facilitating a group through ARMS (Abuse Recovery Ministry Services – a WHOLE other topic for another day), but I have never led a group in this type of setting. What the heck does a support group even look like? How does the “leader” lead discussions, or do I let them just talk (and make sure that appropriate subjects are discussed, etc)? Inexperience is making me hesitate.
- Time. I have no idea what kind of time commitment this would be. Once a week, twice a week, every other week, once a month? I am already committed to so many things, I don’t want this to become a burden, or time sucker. However, wouldn’t the time be well spent and rewarding?
- Cost. It costs money to become a member of the group that I would facilitate through. Granted I believe it’s only $50 a year (Ya, I know, practically nothing). But with fertility treatments costing an arm and a leg, the holidays are near, and well, let’s be honest, the Hubs and I are still finding our new flow in regards to budget with a home mortgage added in. My excuse to this: come January the extra $50 might not be an issue. Then again, the hubs does most of our finances so, I could be way wrong and the $50 might not be an issue now. Honestly, this portion is just a tiny fraction of my hesitation.
- Lastly, what if I become pregnant during this group. I had a pretty good talk with my good friend over text about this last night (thanks Dani, love you and your heart) and she certainly challenged me with some questions about this. However, my argument is that IF by chance someone in that group is not in a place where they can be led by someone (or be around) who is pregnant, would that make it weird? Or is this a ridiculous concern and I am being overly sensitive? Her question to me was essentially this: If I were pregnant would that make me less understanding or make my experiences (and what I’ve learned) void? No. It would not change the valuable lessons I have learned. It would not change the pain that I have felt. It would not change the struggles. Matter of fact, I think it would then make me even more wise in my understanding. But, then again, maybe not.
Perhaps I am over thinking it all. But making a commitment to something like this isn’t a small choice. It requires sacrifices on my part.
Have you ever lead a support group? What did that look like? If you have attended, what was it like? What did you like, or what didn’t you like?
I have a really amazing opportunity in front of me…. But, am I ready? Am I the right person for this job? I am in the process of setting up a meet and greet with the gal who organizes and decides which groups are needed. She really wants me to do it (which is funny, she doesn’t even know me, haha!).
Pray for me, I need wisdom and direction!