I have been meaning to blog for a couple of weeks now and at the end of each day I crawl into bed and kick myself for not making the time to write. I’ve opted instead for a longer snuggle sesh with my man, or an extra hour of sleep. Heck, I’ve actually tried to think of one valid reason why I haven’t posted anything. Then I look at my calendar and realize that I have simply just not had time and there have been many other important things that have taken priority.
Regardless, here I am finally making an effort to blog and this is the best I could come up with:
My weekend started with a Graduation Party for a sweet friend of mine, D! Congrats Girl, you ROCK
Little miss H and me chillin’ on a Saturday night
Her cheeks kill me, every time
Little miss H’s sister, loved chasing the cat around the yard, yes, that is a bat. I promise no harm was done 🙂
I had the pleasure of stealing her away for Sunday too! Lucky me 🙂 She is so beautiful
This next one grabbed my attention while scrolling down Facebook. The night I saw this happened to be a Tuesday. For some reason I was feeling defeated and lonely and had an unexpected moment of grief and sadness. The past year had caught up to me and I sat in my car and cried and prayed and cried some more. Nothing was how I expect and EVERYTHING had changed. I was emotionally and physically and spiritually exhausted. I don’t talk much about my cycles and I most likely will keep it that way, no one needs to know THAT much about me. But, I had realized that it had been exactly one year to the cycle that I got pregnant for the first time. June 20th, 2013 was CD1, and June 20th 2014 was CD1…. For some reason it just gutted me. ALL my memories came flooding back. When I saw this next picture, I was encouraged to just be me and allow God to love me where I am, and allow Him to continue His blessings and provisions in my life. I’ve been longing consistently for renewal, for grace and compassion. I fully believe and also expect Him to follow through and provide that in my life. It may not look the way I want, or feel the way I want, but He truly knows best, and that’s more than enough for me. That’s more than sufficient for me to be on my knees with open hands waiting to be renewed, continuously.
So why the Seasons of Change title huh?
Well, let me tell you, I believe fully that things are changing. I believe my Husband and I are in that renewal season, and here’s why:
One, we are expecting huge miracles that stretch our faith more than we’ve dared to expect before. (I’m not ashamed to say that we are strictly praying for complete healing of my right fallopian tube and we fully believe that the next time we are pregnant it will be from that side and also our take home baby, and simply for His Glory. I am expecting Him to show off in a way that only He can.)
Two, We packed up our apartment and said good bye to our first home in belief that our new home was on it’s way. I cried for a brief moment as I drove away, realizing that that little place was our home and all our “firsts” were in that place. The secrets those walls will keep for a lifetime are very bittersweet to me.
Three, God provided a new home for us and then some! We were doubly blessed with the new home that we were able to move forward with. They accepted our offer in less than 24 hours! Unfortunately the previous home did not work out the way we all wanted, but I firmly believe that God is still restoring us, and them, and the home for His glory! He has a purposeful plan!
Four, as we move forward and pray for wisdom in regards to a family, the Lord is changing the way we believe for things (kind of tied into #1), and the way we think things ought to be. This journey hasn’t been easy, Connor and I didn’t see eye to eye on some circumstances, and we are adapting into our calling as husband and wife, as well as what it’s going to look like as a Mom and Dad. I am happy to know that when we don’t see eye to eye, the Lord is gracious when we ask for wisdom to hear each other and know what His thoughts are on our circumstances.
Five, we are learning to adapt to how dramatically our lives have changed over the last year. I’m telling you, this has profoundly changed our marriage, for the better. I can’t even begin to tell you the ways we’ve messed up and lashed out and forgiven each other (my husband is quite possibly the best forgiver, and the best hubby EVER). The picture of marriage and how we are to treat each other and support each other during the Good and the Bad and the worst of times has become a foundational lesson for us. I feel like although all this change has been extremely difficult it has its purpose and I am so thankful that I can see that and use these opportunities to grow and we can become One even more.
And for me, how much things, on the fertility side, have changed and impacted my life dramatically for the last 2 years, and especially the last several months. Learning to adapt to what’s become a major part of me and my life and accepting it as a good thing, believe it or not.
It’s been quite the wild ride and like I said, I am fully expecting change on all accounts for the better. We’re morphing even more to look like Jesus and we are exchanging our old ways for new ways. Are we scared? YES! Are we nervous? Absolutely. Do we expect Good and BIG things? 100%!Everything has changed and been turned upside down, and although hard, it’s been for the better, and it really is all for His Glory and for the first time since Colton left us, I am hopeful. I am encouraged. I am excited to see things only the Lord can accomplish.
A sweet friend of mine, Andi sent me this song, and I think it’s fitting. We, I am willing to do whatever, if He asks me to. Simply because I know that I know that He will lead me through and it will be exactly what I need for my good and His Glory!
And a minor medical update: Anything with a * or Italics was updated. Thank you Lord for almost all tests coming back Normal!
*Karyotype – Normal ( I am happy to know that I am genetically sound, *Hubby – we went forward and decided to do his Karyotype, and his results also came back Normal, Praise God!
*Lupus – Boarder line – After further review and a second opinion, My Lupus Antibodies are boarder line and will be monitored very closely.
*Thyroid – Low indicating possible hyperthyroidism, getting second opinion. After the second opinion my Dr decided it would be best to monitor this closely as well.
*Anemia found in all labs since before pregnancy that was not treated, it has resolved, but will be monitored in the future
Prothrombin – Normal
Antithrombim – Normal
Vit D – Normal
Factor V – Normal
Factor II – Normal
Diabetes tests – Normal
Blood clotting disorders – Normal
*Van Willebrand – Normal
*Homocyseine – *Extremely Elevated – Treating with aspirin for the time being, then monitored closely
Protein S – Normal
Protein C – Normal
Prolactin – Normal*MTHFR – **Compound Heterozygous MTHFR (click the title for more information on this specific type) – I am also a double carrier. My second opinion revealed that we will be treating this before, during, and after pregnancy.Please be praying as I am still experiencing a minor side effect of the surgery (possibly small pieces of retained tissue from the placenta) and we will give it one more month before deciding if it will need treatment or not. I am electing to believe that no intervention will be needed and all will be healed.