Miracles are for Me

Come September we finally felt comfortable not preventing, but certainly not trying diligently. On September 18th I received another BFP on HPT, I quickly called my doctor in fear and she ordered blood tests. My HCG came back at 12. I was told that was definitely positive, but couldn’t determine if this was viable or not. The only way we could tell was if we repeated the blood work in 48 hours.  Two days later my blood work came back at only 22. This was not looking promising. Within the next week the pregnancy was over. Leaving us with a date of the 24th being one of not so fond memories. We sadly waved good bye to Baby Brooks #2.

This is our African violet- I purchased this in memory of our little ones. Every time it blooms I am so overwhelmed with joy. 

On December 19th I had a vsit with Dr. M and through tests we concluded I am not ovulating, I was low on both estrogen and progesterone. My stress levels were way too high and he recommends I consider cutting out a few things in my schedule and/or craziness of trying, and relaxing. In January I did a hormone panel that confirmed all our thoughts and decided on an action plan (wonky tests). My husband and I started working out and trying to eat healthier than we already did. I felt relaxed and trusted that in time the Lord would provide. He gave me such a peace and a sense of trust that I couldn’t ever replace.

So that is just a minor little recap of the last year. It has been filled to over flowing with Goodness, Gods favor and love, it has also seen plenty of tears, loads of heartache, and hours on my knees asking the Lord for direction.  Just recently I was reminded of that Glorious season the Lord has promised me( to read that post click here). I firmly believe that those words that were promised are forever words, words that I will come to know and love and rely on in my walk. However, I know for certain my chapter of that season has come to a close.

Sufficiency: Learning to rely on the Lord and the Lord only to maneuver this messy life. Learning to let him carry me through and be my sole sustainer. My need for his presence was greatly refined through fire.

Restoration: Being refined completely stripped me of everything I thought I believed. He rebuilt me and redefined my faith and my whole relationship with Him. Not only was I restored spiritually, but emotionally I was healed, and even more miraculously, I was also physically healed. God used this full year to show my how much I needed a renewal of my mind and my life.

Redemption:
One year ago to the date of being told both tubes were 100% blocked I was greeted with the faintest of a positive pregnancy test.

As some may have read, the 24th will always be remembered as the day of the month I had lost both of our two babies that went to be with Jesus.

On 2/25 Beta Hcg- 206

Exactly one week later Beta Hcg – 6897
That same day, in the same office I was told of my ectopic with the same doctor who deemed me infertile,

Here’s what we discovered:

Perfectly, healthy, tiny little peanut growing a head of schedule.

Am I terrified of telling people so early? YES. Do I allow myself to become overwhelmed with worry and fear? On occasion. But, I can’t live and operate out of that. I have to believe that this is for my good and the Glory of God. He is to be praised in this circumstance. In my book, the Glory of God should always be revealed. I can’t not shout it out the Goodness and Greatness of our God. His Miracles are for Me. His healing is for Me.